WHEN PUSH COMES TO SHOVE

 

**WHEN PUSH COMES TO SHOVE** (Word Count: 721, Approximate Reading Time: 3-4 minutes)

One common scenario for my self-defense students—adults, children, security officers, athletes, law enforcement—is being pushed by another person. Students often react defensively, pushing the attacker's arms away, which prompts a stronger push, or "shove." Beginners often ask, "Should I punch this guy's head off, Mtaalam Mwalimu Ras?" They worry about legal consequences or feel that the push doesn't warrant a significantly more forceful response. Maybe a non-combative solution is best for this situation, they confide to me in private.

My response, effective for 35 years, is: "THE FIGHT YOU ALWAYS WIN IS THE FIGHT YOU'RE NOT IN." This means your first responsibility is to prevent the possibility of any conflict in the first place by preemptively applying skills and strategies to prevent most of the situations below from happening. But we're all human, and we all make mistakes. When we mess up, our primary responsibility shifts to preventing all of the situations below from escalating.

### Key Questions to Ask:

1. **What is the context?**

   - Heated argument, crowded place, or altercation?

2. **What are the aggressor's motivations?**

   - Anger, frustration, or intimidation?

3. **What are the physical cues?**

   - Invading space, clenching fists, agitation?

4. **What are the verbal cues?**

   - Threats, insults, raised voices?

5. **What situational cues can be observed?**

   - History of conflict, power imbalance, external pressures?

### Potential Situations Leading to a Push:

1. **"You never listen to me!"**

2. **"Get out of my way!"**

Understanding these cues helps anticipate and respond to aggression.

### Social Context of Conflict:

Examples of online and cellphone text interactions escalating to pushing and shoving:

1. **Online Comment:**

   - "I saw your girlfriend out last night. Does she even care about you?"

2. **Direct Message:**

   - "Your boyfriend is playing you. Saw him with another girl."

3. **Text Conversation:**

   - "Your boyfriend was flirting with me last night."

4. **Group Chat:**

   - "Can't believe what I saw at the party. [Boyfriend's Name] was all over [Other Girl's Name]."

### Responses:

Calmly addressing the situation with your significant other and creating space between them and the disruptive person usually resolves the issue without physical conflict. Kids can inform teachers and parents to prevent fights, maintaining their social status without engaging in physical altercations. If any of the above fails or if conflict is unavoidable (such as you come upon an already escalated situation just before or just after the first shove or punch is launched), then proceed to the Control Strategy below. And always keep in mind the Man/Boy Protector Rule. What is that, you ask? Well...

### THE MAN/BOY PROTECTOR RULE

Men and boys often feel compelled to protect the women and girls in their lives due to social constructs. Failing to do so can lead to a loss of respect and valued relationships. Hence, men and boys may feel they must fight, whereas women and girls have the choice.

### TIER 1: THE DOMINATING CONTROL STRATEGY

The 6th strategy in my Tier 1 Strategies that we (and only we) of my ATACX GYM and family system of NJIA UHURU KIPURA teach is "CONTROL." In its most basic form, this strategy frequently manifests as an effective, short sequence of entries, stance destructions, blocks, parries, structural manipulations, takedowns, etc., that almost zero untrained people and most trained people have no real chance of recognizing, much less stopping. The huge advantage of this most basic level of control is that battering strikes are generally discouraged. The goal here is not to severely damage the opponent but to overwhelm with stance destructions, Height Width Depth Pressure and Posture Manipulations and controls, sweeps, pushes, pulls, spins, redirections, takedowns, throws, immobilizations, positional checks, trapping, etc.

You read that right. No punching. No kicking. No elbows. No knees. No anything that can get you sent to jail or increase the violence of a situation beyond the level that it already is. So that means? No jail. No injured fists. No lawsuits. But you still handle the situation with decisive skill, honor, swiftness, and unwavering self-confidence. You make it clear that you're the right one for this job, and you understood the assignment.

Worldwide, about 1 person in 1,000 has trained diligently in some form of grappling skill. This gives well-rounded practitioners like those training in Njia Uhuru Kipura at my ATACX GYM a massive advantage over most attackers that they cannot hope to overcome, even when they're armed or move in packs of numerologically superior foes. The fact is that most people, trained or untrained, not only don't have extensive trapping, distal limb manipulation, stance training, or primary target training, they literally don't know anything about the effective combination of these skills. Their ignorance guarantees that they have no hope of recognizing the entry to, much less stopping, the application of these skills.

In 35 years of security work from the lower levels to high risk (I'm still currently HRSPP...High-Risk Security Posts and Personnel), no less than 90% of my conflicts were rapidly resolved by using the Control Strategy. I and even my new students with only a month or so training have successfully held our quadrants in riots at concerts, domestic violence calls in dangerous public housing projects, disarmed and neutralized armed aggressive attackers under the influence of this or that drug, or even playfully chilled out family members with gentle horseplay by using this strategy.

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### References:

1. Anderson, C. A., & Bushman, B. J. (2002). "Human aggression." *Annual Review of Psychology*, 53(1), 27-51.

2. Kowalski, R. M., Limber, S. P., & Agatston, P. W. (2012). "Cyberbullying: Bullying in the digital age." John Wiley & Sons.

3. Olweus, D. (2013). "School bullying: Development and some important challenges." *Annual Review of Clinical Psychology*, 9, 751-780.

4. Kimmel, M. S. (2008). "Guyland: The perilous world where boys become men." Harper.